Recently I came in collision with some beliefs that stem from my childhood. No matter how much spiritual growth I have obtained in this lifetime, I am always a little surprised by the remembering, re-telling and reliving of these old ideas. About a year ago, I heard a gentleman say, “It’s not about never getting triggered- it’s about what we do when it happens.” This was and is an important reminder. I used to often feel when these old wounds presented themselves, I had done something “wrong.” An old belief was I was being punished by the Universe in some way, the Law of Karma revealing itself for some misdeeds long forgotten. I see this differently thanks to that off-the-cuff remark by that gentleman. This is why I find it is so important to be present in conversation- you never know when those important kernels of wisdom are revealed that will later save you untold angst and suffering. Thinking back to my youth, I often would ask, “Why? Why is this happening to me?” A beloved mentor had shared with me once that the Universe operates on a need to know basis. It was pointless, she told me, to ask why. Indeed, I have found it is only when I am spiritually ready that the proverbial light bulb comes on and the Divine Appointment, often referred to as an “a-ha!” moment occurs.
I understand today there is a little girl inside of me that just wants to be loved and to feel safe. These are the times it is so important that I practice self-care. It is crucial that I become quiet and still, softly and gently asking that small, wounded part of me what I can do to make it better. It is important that at times like these I do not unconsciously slip back into that old learned behavior called self-recrimination.
Self-care for me is often about contrary action- to simply take it easy, to be gentle with self through thought, word and action. To remind myself that no decision needs to be made in that moment. Knowing and accepting this is huge because I often find when triggered that a sense of urgency comes with it. The idea “I must take action NOW!” Actually, I have come to find based on vast experiences with this, this is one of the WORST times to make a decision. I am reminded of the acronym WAIT. (Why Am I Thinking?) The most loving action I can take for myself is to enter into that inner sanctum that resides deep at the center of my being. To simply breathe. It is in this place of peace where I eternally know that all is well with my soul. That was has occurred is simply an appearance- and that I do not have full information yet. It is this place where I recognize that which I have always longed for, to simply feel loved and know I am safe, is ever-present. How good it is to know that everything I need I already possess.
Until next time.